ABOUT SHIFT: SHIFT is an e-newsletter sent out with the intention of empowering you to be your best self. In SHIFT, you will find articles meant to give you the tools and resources to jumpstart your life. If you enjoy SHIFT, please spread the word by sending it on to a friend to enjoy as well!

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August 2008

In this issue:

Announcement!

Momentum Coaching Resource

By: Katie Mattson

I'll Be There For You (Because You're There For Me, Too)

You all remember the theme song from Friends. How often are your friends there for you, too? Visualize the five people you spend most of your time with. Would you be ecstatic or disappointed if I said they are direct reflection of you? My most recent conversations have been filled with questions, frustrations and revelations about building community. There are only a few steps to creating a strong, lasting community...in business or in your personal life. Here they are.

By: Katie Mattson

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Announcement!

Momentum Coaching Resource

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I'll Be There For You (Because You're There For Me, Too)

You all remember the theme song from Friends, written by the Rembrandts. Well, lately so many of my clients have expressed their frustration with a lack of community in their personal lives. This topic always strikes a chord with me. When I moved to Charlotte, I felt lonely and was without community for close to three years. While I was involved in activities and went out occasionally with people I met, I wasn’t finding or keeping the friends that I so badly wanted. Today I am surrounded by so many incredible people that I spend time with – I wish I had more time to devote to each of them individually! What was I doing wrong a few years ago?

Truth is, I was only guilty of not seeing and accepting the resources I had. We always have the support in our lives to do what we want to do. All we have to do is ask. Author Raymond Holliwell puts it this way, “No desire is felt until the supply is ready to appear.” Sure, that’s great and all, but are you wondering what the heck to do with that desire once it appears?

Honestly, there are only a few steps to creating a community…in business or in your personal life. They will involve a little fear and a little creativity, but if community is what you desire, and community is what you currently don’t have, what do you have to lose?

Here is what you need to attract a strong, lasting sense of connection:

Lose the Humble Mindset: My first mistake when trying to “meet and greet” was a humble mindset. I kept thinking that the people I was meeting would call me if they wanted to spend time with me. It never occurred to me that they could be thinking the exact same thing! With the help of my coach at the time, I worked to shift my mindset into a state of excitement about sharing my personality with others and learning from theirs. Over time, I began to open up.

Everyone is worried about meeting people! We all have thousands of questions running through our heads…will they like me? Am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Am I talking about something interesting? Am I talking about something that is only interesting to me? It makes me tired just to type all those questions. When you click with someone, you feel it. You will want to spend more time with them and they with you. Be yourself, talk about what interests you and you’ll naturally attract the people who are interested in having that conversation.

Rework Your Definition: Community comes with a variety of definitions. What does this word mean to you? What type of network would you like to build? Visualize what activities you would like to be doing, what personal values people surrounding you would have, the size of your support group and what communication you would have with them.

Without knowing who you want to surround you, it’s much harder to actually attract them into your life! The saying “needle in a haystack” comes to mind. This also takes the desperation out of finding the perfect people and makes you far more attractive to the new community that will find and support you. All because you are expressing what you want and being your true self.

Show Your Vulnerable Side: Shift out of the mindset that people will come to you and instead, reach out to people who interest you. Schedule coffee, lunch or dinner. Eventually start pulling groups together so your connections can grow. If their values match, they should get along just fine with your other friends – even if they don’t participate in the same activities!

This was my most challenging step. I had to release my comfort zone and take the bull by the horns. I began approaching people I felt a small connection with, and began inviting people over to my house for dinner and I even started a game night to begin mingling. Before I knew it, my community was too big for just game nights. Soon there were monthly socials and even just girl’s nights (sorry boys!).

My first inclination before starting all this was that people wouldn’t want to spend time with me. Not because I wasn’t a pleasant enough person, but I couldn’t pinpoint what I had to offer. I was a shy girl, so it was painful for me to start approaching people. My truth quickly became that people who didn’t know me well enough or didn’t care to know me simply said no…and honestly, it wasn’t that painful to hear! Those that did know me and those that wanted to know me better accepted my invitations happily. I never felt lonely on the nights I extended invitations. Now, my life is filled with people I respect, love and am challenged by.

Once your community begins to grow, take a look at who is around you. Do you like what you see? If not, who are you letting in that you don’t want? Who was uninvited? What fear comes up in losing friends? Each step into the world of your true ambitions, interests and desires will open the door for others who are compatible and close the door to those that aren't. If you are looking around and completely content, congratulations – you are on your way to a strong, lasting sense of connection with yourself and the people you’ve chosen to surround yourself with.

It’s amazing who surfaces when you reveal your vulnerable side and speak up about what you need. Sometimes the "who" in the mirror is what will surprise you most. It was for me.

Momentum Coaching's mission is for each of us to energize the moment we're in. As owner and professional coach, Katie Mattson energizes her clients to stretch their boundaries, deepen their awareness and indulge in life. She coaches individuals and small groups around topics such as: building confidence, career and life transitions, shifting perspective and stepping into new experiences. To read more about Katie and Momentum Coaching, visit www.EnergizeYourMoment.com. Contact Katie at: katie@energizeyourmoment.com